wat bout pragnant strippers??
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
