Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
