She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
