there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
