in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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