so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
