i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
