Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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