How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
