i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
