hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
