i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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