Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
