And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
