You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
