...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
