I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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