thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize