his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
