Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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