i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
