Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
