If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
