i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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