i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
