soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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