All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
