My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
