Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
