One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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