your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
