I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
