He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
