There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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