Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I AM VODKA MAN
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
