The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
