As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
