Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
