we made out on top of his cat.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
