I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
