Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
