forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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