after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
