ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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