Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize