Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
