you have to choose: penises or morals?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
