If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
