There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
