i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
