the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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