and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
