i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sober January is a disaster.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
