Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
