i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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