youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
