so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
