is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
