I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
