The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I party with great urgency now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
