I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
