He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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