The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
