DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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