There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize