A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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