Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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