I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
