Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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