I could have mohawked her pubes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
