LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
