I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
