Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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