Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
