a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
