I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
