Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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