I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
