You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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