I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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