I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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