she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And then my night got REAL pukey
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize