i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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