Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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