Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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