I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
should my penis look like a turkey
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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