Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
