some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
